PEP TALKS
Secret Service Leader:
“All of you rookie agents in today’s guarding detail must live up to the tradition of the service. Had someone attacked President Reagan with a knife, every agent would have leaped forward in front of that blade. If a gunman had let fly at the first George Bush, every agent would have gladly taken the bullet. Had some madman hurled a bomb at President Clinton, every agent would have thrown his own body on the blast. And if today President George W. Bush is attacked by some killer with a deadly weapon, you should try your best to talk him out of it.”
Coach:
“I want you boys to remember, it’s not if you win or lose but how you play the game. Sure, we’ve had some losses this season, but you’ve always shown sportsmanship. Always. I know you boys have played fair and square out of the respect you hold for me. I’ll go farther than respect. I’ll say you love me as much as I love you. Today, facing our traditional opponent, I know none of you will use any of those illegal acts we showed you in practice this week. We demonstrated those ways of cheating only so you could protect yourselves. We won’t use any shameful moves no matter how easy it is to avoid being caught. And next year, when I’ve been fired, I'll save up and buy a ticket to one of your games. I know I'll see the same good sportsmanship that’s cost us so many victories this year. “
Director of a Play:
“I’m sure you’re mis-reading the audience’s response. You know that in New York an appreciative audience would send roses up to the stage. That’s fine for them, but our community theater is in the heart of farm country. Here, many crops are more valuable than roses. When our local people throw tomatoes and other vegetables up to the stage, you should consider it a compliment. And, having expressed their opinion, tonight’s audience saw no reason to wait around. That’s why when you came out for your curtain call, there were only a few folks left. And no, that’s not what they were calling. What they yelled was ‘Boon!’ meaning ‘a timely blessing or benefit.’ You can only hope that you’ll get more tomatoes and boons tonight if anyone shows up.”
Father of the Bride:
“This is the biggest day of your life, Sweetie. Today you take my arm and walk down the aisle to meet your soulmate. Sweetie, when I arrived at the church today, Uncle Henry handed me this pre-nup. Not that you’ll ever need it. I’m sure you and Wilfrid will live happily ever after. For you kids to sign the pre-nup is only a formality, Sweetie, but formalities are important. This little ceremony you and Wilfrid will go through at the altar today is a formality. .Before you go through that elaborate and very costly formality that I’m paying for, you must dot all the T’s and cross the I’s. You must sign Uncle Henry’s little formality. It would be a shame to send all those guests home without the wedding they came to see.”
“All of you rookie agents in today’s guarding detail must live up to the tradition of the service. Had someone attacked President Reagan with a knife, every agent would have leaped forward in front of that blade. If a gunman had let fly at the first George Bush, every agent would have gladly taken the bullet. Had some madman hurled a bomb at President Clinton, every agent would have thrown his own body on the blast. And if today President George W. Bush is attacked by some killer with a deadly weapon, you should try your best to talk him out of it.”
Coach:
“I want you boys to remember, it’s not if you win or lose but how you play the game. Sure, we’ve had some losses this season, but you’ve always shown sportsmanship. Always. I know you boys have played fair and square out of the respect you hold for me. I’ll go farther than respect. I’ll say you love me as much as I love you. Today, facing our traditional opponent, I know none of you will use any of those illegal acts we showed you in practice this week. We demonstrated those ways of cheating only so you could protect yourselves. We won’t use any shameful moves no matter how easy it is to avoid being caught. And next year, when I’ve been fired, I'll save up and buy a ticket to one of your games. I know I'll see the same good sportsmanship that’s cost us so many victories this year. “
Director of a Play:
“I’m sure you’re mis-reading the audience’s response. You know that in New York an appreciative audience would send roses up to the stage. That’s fine for them, but our community theater is in the heart of farm country. Here, many crops are more valuable than roses. When our local people throw tomatoes and other vegetables up to the stage, you should consider it a compliment. And, having expressed their opinion, tonight’s audience saw no reason to wait around. That’s why when you came out for your curtain call, there were only a few folks left. And no, that’s not what they were calling. What they yelled was ‘Boon!’ meaning ‘a timely blessing or benefit.’ You can only hope that you’ll get more tomatoes and boons tonight if anyone shows up.”
Father of the Bride:
“This is the biggest day of your life, Sweetie. Today you take my arm and walk down the aisle to meet your soulmate. Sweetie, when I arrived at the church today, Uncle Henry handed me this pre-nup. Not that you’ll ever need it. I’m sure you and Wilfrid will live happily ever after. For you kids to sign the pre-nup is only a formality, Sweetie, but formalities are important. This little ceremony you and Wilfrid will go through at the altar today is a formality. .Before you go through that elaborate and very costly formality that I’m paying for, you must dot all the T’s and cross the I’s. You must sign Uncle Henry’s little formality. It would be a shame to send all those guests home without the wedding they came to see.”
posted by Blind Mumbling | 5:48 PM
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